Valentine's Present

While at the show over the weekend, my husband stopped off to look at the fishing boats after we finished eating lunch. I went back to the booth. About half an hour later, I receive a text from him 'I love you.' Two seconds later, 'Happy Valentine's Day.' I started to get nervous....he didn't...he wouldn't do that without talking to me first..................would he? My cousin and my sister are suddenly quite amused with my panic, so they go for a walk. My sister comes back laughing so hard, she can verily contain herself. Now, I am really nervous. Suddenly, all the vendors around us seem amused with what is playing out. I leave my laughing sister in the booth, while I go for a little stroll to find my husband. There he stands, looking at me with a Cheshire cat grin across his face. I walk over and say 'you didn't, did you?' The grin gets bigger. 'But we didn't talk about it...you just bought it without talking to me?' The grin continues.

The only time my husband has made a large purchase without me knowing about it was when he traded in my old, falling apart Blazer and got me a Bravada for Christmas several years ago. He worked at the Chevy dealership and had it all worked out with his boss beforehand. I had to open a series of boxes to find a key. After finding the key, we had to go into town to get the car.

Back to the boat. I suddenly have different men coming over to congratulate me and tell me what a great boat it is, and that we got a good deal, and that they spent a lot more on their boats that weren't as nice....and I'm still standing there in shock. By the time I get back to the booth, my friend had gone and bought me a present. It is a sign that says,

Give a man a fish

and you feed him

for a day. Teach a

man to fish & he will

have to buy a boat!

As I read it, I am surrounded with laughter by family and friends. I seem to be the only one not so amused. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't mad, just in shock. I still am in shock, to be honest with you.

Later that evening, I find out that my cousin and sister were sending texts to my husband telling him to go for it, that I wanted him to buy it, and on and on. It's nice when your family gangs up against you, you know.

For the rest of the day, men kept walking by telling me what a great deal we got on that boat!! I think my husband must have bribed them to come by and tell me that with as many as stopped by. Either that or it's the secret society of men who buy boats banding together to convince the wife it's a good thing.

I do look forward to the nicer weather and getting out on the water in a boat I feel safe in. Until three years ago, we had never owned a boat. At that time, we purchased 10 foot row boat from the early 70's, with a 2 hp motor from 1972! If the wind came up, it blew us across the lake faster than that motor would take us. If the wind came up in the opposite direction, we went with the wind. I was always fearful of being run over by big boats that didn't see us, as we sat out on the water. We've wanted a better boat for a long time, but have never pursued buying one. Well, now we have it and it will be fun to take out on all the lakes in this region. It's funny how the entire Spring and Summer are now planned with family and friends, and the boat. I know lots of great memories will be made in that boat, and I look forward to getting out on the lakes and rivers, to explore more of God's creation. My husband said to me 'just think of the great photos you will get to take, and of all the beautiful areas you will get to see that we've never been to before. He had to pull the photo card out, didn't he? He knows my weakness is exploring new places with my camera!

While I am still in shock, I do look forward with great anticipation to warmer weather, and getting out to explore and enjoy God's creation in a new way.

Surviving the Unknown

Well, I ventured into the unknown, and survived. I still was fighting up to the start of the show, but my dad threatened me that if I didn't follow through, he would take things into his own hands and over ride what I decided, and I knew he meant it. My husband took things into his own hands as well, as he loaded it all into the car. What was this venture that brought me so much stress, so much doubt, so many anxious thoughts? I shared a booth with my parents at the Sportsman's Expo in Sandpoint this weekend, and I brought with me some of my photos to sell. Now, since I was not feeling well at the beginning of the week, the plans I had to make everything extremely perfect didn't happen the way I had intended and I rushed around like a crazy woman on Thursday afternoon and Friday trying to get mats and frames, and to make the photos look good inside those mats and frames. I was very disappointed with the matting choices I found, so some of my 11 x 17's did not get displayed. I had a lot of positive comments, and I sold 7 or 8 photos, which I am thrilled about. I still feel strange selling my photos. It was very weird for me to sit and have people tell me they liked my photos that were on display around me. I don't know why, other than I'm a fairly private person, and it's been hard enough for me to display my pictures on here, but to enlarge them and put them out on display for others to buy is still a very out of the ordinary process in my mind.

One of the men in my dad's men's group stopped by and was talking to me about it and I was expressing my feelings of how strange it was to have my pictures on display and how I had struggled with it, and he asked me if it was better to covet my gift from God....ouch!! That one hit me between the eyes and left a mark!! I was not coveting my gift....I just take pictures and enjoy it! A gift? Could it be? But, it's just taking pictures!! He said a few more things and the ouch went even deeper and I've been mulling those words over for about 30 hours now. I'm going to keep mulling them for awhile.

I had a good time, regardless of my photos. I saw a lot of people I grew up with, a lot of old friends that I haven't talked with in quite some time, and shared a lot of laughs, and even a few tears. Believe me, there is yet another story to come out of this weekend, but it will have to wait for another post. Those who read my blog who were at the show on Saturday and know what happened are now chuckling, but the rest of you will have to wait.

Doubts

I'm dealing with a lot of self-doubt. A lot. Enough that I have myself in a whirlwind of negative talk inside my head. I'm about to move into a venture that I have wanted to try for a long time, but have not really had the opportunity. This weekend, I have that opportunity, and I'm scared of failing. Because this venture is a direct result of my efforts, I think if it's not received well by others then I am a failure at this passion of mine. My husband and mom keep trying to counteract the negative talk in my head. I know that those thoughts should not be there. I know that those thoughts are not from my Father, but rather the father of lies. Satan likes to make us feel unworthy in life, like we are failures. He wants us to give up. God wants the best for our lives. He wants us to not worry, and to guard our hearts from the little whispers that satan puts in our ears that we are not worthy, that we are not good enough, that we will fail. God doesn't want that for our lives. He wants us to live a fulfilling life in Him, no matter what the circumstances. He wants to be the center of our lives, our thoughts, our day. If I allow Him to be at that place, my doubts and fears usually disappear. Obviously, I need to work on that today, and know that no matter what happens in this venture, I am still a daughter of the KING and my life has meaning and purpose.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:6-8

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Thinking of Jenny

In the early hours of this morning, I have been over at Mangy Moose Acres, http://mangymooseacres.blogspot.com/ reading old posts, and thinking of a friend on her birthday. I also am filled with thoughts for her family, as I'm sure it's a tough day for them as they spend the day filled with memories of their beloved mom, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, aunt, and cousin. As I read her old posts, I was inspired, again, to live for each moment and to live those moments without regret, to press on through the junk of life, to love those in my life at a deep level and to let them know that they are important, and to hang on to hope. Jenny encouraged me in so many ways. She was a beacon of light to those who knew her, a true gift. I am glad that her blog sight is still up so that those of us who miss her words of hope and encouragement can still read them and remember, and continue to be blessed by her love and kindness.


Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Late Night Ramblings

I was without the internet all day on Tuesday. Normally, that would not be a huge deal because I am usually at work. However, since I still do not feel well, I was home, and thought I would spend some time catching up on blogs I like to read, emails I haven't answered, and emails I haven't read that have been piling up in my inbox. I got to one friend's blog, wrote a reply, and lost connection. Evidently the internet spies didn't like what I wrote, because I have been offline until about midnight. We still have Vcast on our new phones, so I could check basic emails throughout the day, but believe me, it's not the same!

I have many things that need done around my house, but I don't feel good enough to do them. Just going up and down the stairs a few times today to put wood on the fire, wore me out. It's sad that the only time I get real time at home is when I don't feel well, and don't have the energy or the will to do anything. I did watch a couple good movies, though, so that was nice. I petted my dog, a lot. I think she thinks if I don't feel well, she needs to be extra needy, or loving as I'm sure she sees it. There's nothing like a 75 pound Golden Retriever climbing on the couch to sit on your lap!! I guess she thinks she's comforting me, and in a way, she is. The two of us did share quality time together as we watched the Westminster Dog Show.

I am glad to be back online, and maybe in the morning I will get to catch up on some of those emails. Meantime, I need to get some sleep.

Books

I love books. I have many. My husband thinks I have an addiction problem with my books. When it is suggested to me to get rid of a few because 'you only read them once,' I am offended. I remember when we moved three years ago. I did get rid of a box, a small box, of books, and it was almost painful. I don't know what it is, but I just like to be able to go to a bookshelf and pick a book up about a certain subject, or to just know that I always have something to read, which is an understatement. A couple weeks ago, I was at our church thrift store with my mom and sis, and found some very neat old books. They were from the 1930's and 1940's, and one I found particularly interesting. It was a poetry book. The person who owned it sometime along the line, had scripted alternative verses to the poetry, and from the few I've read, it's pretty good. On many of them, she kept the first verse, maybe wrote down alternative words here and there, and on some she wrote in the margins entirely new verses. I write in, underline, and circle in my books all the time, so I found that book particularly interesting. I was looking at another large old book that was the early works of literature from 1908, but didn't get it, even though it looked interesting, and I immediately thought of my high school English teacher, Mrs. Love, when I started to flip through it because it had a lot of works of Shakespeare. Well, I've been thinking of that book for two weeks, so went back to see if it was still there on Saturday, and it was, so it now has a new home!

I hope to get to look through these books today. The crud bug bit me over the weekend, as well, so I will be staying home from work today. It provides me some time to read, and browse through those old books. Since books bring me comfort, maybe they will help me feel better as well.

Taking Time

I had an early morning appointment yesterday, and decided to stop the local coffee shop and get a white peppermint hot chocolate. As I walked through, I was observing the people in there, who all looked stressed out. They had their phones in their ears, and were on their laptops, none of whom would return smiles when given to them. It made me think about how we are such a society that drowns in noise and busyness. I am just as guilty! I always have my phone with me and for this past month, we received free Vcast, so I've been checking my email and facebook while I am out and about. I also thought how as a society, we have little downtime, very little time of absolute quiet. No wonder we feel so stressed out! I know I struggle with absolute quiet. It becomes deafening to me, and I almost always have music or some type of noise in my life. Even though it was an extremely foggy morning, I had taken my camera with me. I decided to take the opportunity for some down time, which I haven't done for awhile, and just go for a drive and take some pictures. As I headed to the lake, I decided to turn off the music in the car, and just be quiet for a bit. The freezing fog was lifting, and leaving beautiful frozen sculptures as it disappeared.




The further I went along the lake, the more beautiful the sun was shining. I decided to get out and walk a little bit, even though it was 29 degrees. I put my dog on her leash, and we enjoyed a nice walk. Even though there was a lot of traffic, I decided to drown it out with the sound of geese flying overhead, and birds singing away as they welcomed the sunshine. I started to look around and notice the ducks swimming in the lake, the beauty of the sun shining on the large cottonwood trees, and the more I started to take the noise and busyness out of my head, the more I noticed the intricate details of creation that surrounded me. Have you ever really looked at how detailed the bark of a tree is and notice how much time God put into designing something so simple as a tree? Does that tell you anything about how much more lovingly we are designed since we are made in His image? The more I walked, the more designs I saw and I thanked God for taking time to make creation so beautiful.






























Further down the road, I stopped again to watch the sun dance off the thin ice covering on the water. I started to listen, and the noise coming from the water sounded like a very loud whisper of a bunch of voices. The more I listened, the louder it became. It was an awesome sound, and I thought how cool it was that God was in the details once again. I just sat and listened for awhile, enjoying the noise of creation.














As I experienced the sights and sounds God put before me in that hour I was at the lake, I thanked Him for prompting me to enjoy some down time, as it's really what I needed for a little soul refresher. I was not worshipping creation, but the Creator who made all the beautiful sights and sounds for us to enjoy. Unfortunately, I have been running too much, and haven't taken the time to enjoy all He has given me.



Take some time to escape the noise. Leave behind the phone, the computer, and the ipod, and just listen, really listen, and be quiet. I know it can take some trying to really quiet your mind, but once you do, you will be amazed at how loud God is through His creation.

Don't Wait

Today is a sad anniversary in our house. Nine years ago, my father-in-law passed away from pancreatic cancer. We only knew he was sick for three weeks, so making the most of those three weeks became a priority, and we spent three weekends in central Washington, despite nasty snow storms. The last weekend we spent with him are full of tender moments of a son taking care of his dad, even though it was the most difficult thing he has ever done. My husband attended to the needs of his very sick dad for three days. Despite the looming sadness, they spent a lot of time talking and remembering, as they knew it would be the last time they would be together on this earth. They spent a lot of time sharing a deep level of love. My father-in-law was a jokester, and despite being in excruciating pain, he made sure we had a few laughs as well. Other family members didn't take the time to say goodbyes or to make sure that everything that needed to be said was said, so they live with the should haves and unanswered questions to this day. To continue along with yesterday's theme, don't wait. Make wrongs right with those you are in relationship with, tell them you love them and how much they mean to you. Make sure those you love know they are special to you. Don't wait because you may never have those opportunities again. We are not guaranteed to be here tomorrow; each breath we take is a gift. Pick up the phone, go to lunch or coffee, send an email, or send a card in the mail and just let those in your life know how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Don't wait.

Groundhog's Day

We woke up to a new inch of snow, and it seems that Puxatony Phil is predicting another six weeks of winter this morning. I would say that most of us who live in the north would be happy if there is ONLY another six weeks of winter! I hope that today is not like the movie Groundhog's Day and that we do not keep waking up to fresh snow until we figure out how to get things right, because it could take awhile since we, as humans, are slow to figure things out sometimes.

I'm sure each of us has do-overs we would like to have in life, but unlike in the movie, we don't get to go back and start completely over with others having no memory of what happened. We have to face consequences, ask forgiveness, and change our behaviors and attitudes, as we choose to make changes in our lives.

How many of us need do-overs in our relationships? Maybe we said or did something that deeply hurt someone, or maybe it was a small thing to us, but a big thing to someone else. Sometimes the forgiveness is not readily available. Sometimes, there's forgiveness, but still hurt or distrust because as humans, we can't just wipe the offense all away like God can, because of Jesus. God knows we make mistakes, and that's why Jesus died on the cross for all our mess ups. We don't have to keep doing things over and over until we get it right, we just have to ask His forgiveness and try our best to change. We will still mess up, but Jesus is always there to forgive, if we truly want that forgiveness.

Who do you need to forgive today that you might be making go through 'do-overs' to make you happy? Who have you offended that you need to apologize to today? Don't wait...do it today. Unlike Bill Murray, we don't get to start each day over until we get it right. We have to live with each choice, each word said, each action we do. Take some time today, on this Groundhog's day, to heal some hurts with yourself and with others, and take some time to talk to God about His forgiveness and thank Him that because of Jesus, you have the opportunity to have do overs in life.

If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped. Psalm 130:3-4 The Message

Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it's personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again,' forgive him." Luke 17:3-4 The Message

What's on Your List?

I was reading a devotion this morning from John Eldredge. He was talking about what he loved....so I thought I would add just a few things from my list. I love flowers, all kinds. I love to be out in the mountains. I love waterfalls, hummingbirds, golden retrievers, lakes. I love the ocean and sitting beside it and realizing how small I am and how big God is. I love sunsets. I love my husband and after being together for 22 years, I love him more and more every day. I love my family. I love watching our younger nieces discover things for the first time and seeing the wonder on their faces. I love to discover old barns or homesteads. I love God. I love to laugh. I love the first snow, and I love Christmas. I love truth. I love to take pictures. I love music. I love true friends, who are there for you no matter what the circumstances. I love fresh vegetables, preferably out of my garden. I love to watch wildlife out in the woods. I love the cross and the Savior who died on it for me. I love to watch eagles, whether they are soaring high above in the sky, sitting on a tree limb, or diving into the water after a fish, they are amazing to observe.

John writes:
Everything you love is what makes a life worth living. Take a moment, and make a list of all the things you love. Don’t edit yourself; don’t worry about prioritizing or anything of that sort. Simply think of all the things you love. Whether it’s the people in your life or the things that bring you joy or the places that are dear to you or your God, you could not love them if you did not have a heart. Loving requires a heart alive and awake and free. A life filled with loving is a life most like the one that God lives, which is life as it was meant to be (Ephesians. 5:1–2). Of all the things that are required of us in this life, which is the most important? What is the real point of our existence? Jesus was confronted with the question point-blank one day, and he boiled it all down to two things: loving God and loving others. Do this, he said, and you will find the purpose of your life. Everything else will fall into place. Somewhere down inside we know it’s true; we know love is the point. We know if we could truly love, and be loved, and never lose love, we would finally be happy. And is it even possible to love without your heart? (Waking the Dead , 47–48)

It would be great to read some of your lists of what you love, what makes you who you are, so if you fee like it, please share.

Troubled Times

What then are we to do about our problems? We must learn to live with them until such time as God delivers us from them...we must pray for grace to endure them without murmuring. Problems patiently endured will work for our spiritual perfecting. They harm us only when we resist them or endure them unwillingly. ~A. W. Tozer

I watched the news for a few moments yesterday, which is something I normally don't do much of because it's so depressing, and so one sided. 71,000 major jobs were lost yesterday, and that's just from large corporations! I wonder how many jobs in little companies were lost as well. Gas went up nationally the past few day by twenty cents, for no apparent reason since oil dropped! Change is definitely happening, but not for the good. As a believer in Christ, I have to remember that these things are worldly, not of God. They are choices and decisions made by man, and we have to live with the consequences.

During these times of hardship, we must lean on God. He is the only one who can truly help us get through the rough times, the hard times, the times when we wonder why, and how much longer. He is the only one who can offer true and lasting comfort in distress.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7