A Week Of Pondering and Memories

A week ago, we were in Sandpoint, pre and post storm.  The area was hit hard by a storm early evening, and the destruction was crazy.  Sandpoint, being Sandpoint, pitched in and got it cleaned up rather quickly.  I was up there a couple days later for my dad's birthday, and if I wouldn't have known what the area looked like on Sunday morning, I wouldn't even have known a storm went through except for a few homes that still had trees on them.

Before the storm, we took our nieces to a couple parks.  Both were in the neighborhood my hubby and I lived in for 17 years.  One park was a few feet away from our old place.  At both places, memories flooded my mind. I have been to both places several times since moving, but on Saturday my mind was playing a slide show of past memories. On our first stop, I walked by our old place, so many memories.  I also walked by my aunt's old place, now with a new house on what used to be here beautiful garden/flower area.  What once was her big covered patio, where we rode a big, old time tricycle until we were 10, played, and enjoyed swinging in a big wooden swing my uncle made and had amazing conversations, was now a scraggly lawn, no remnants of what was once my aunt's place left.  At Lakeview Park, I looked over at the pavilion and memories of a surprise party we had for my parents 19 years ago came back like it was yesterday. I remembered taking the kids we worked with in 5th and 6th grade youth group to that park, and playing games and laughing.  Those kids are now 28-30.  Now, I had my nieces there that were the same age those 'kids' were so many years ago.  Nostalgia.  Memories.  

After being at the park, we took a drive down Selle Road, over to the Grouse Creek area where again memories of my childhood swirled through my head.  I remembered riding snowmobiles and sledding with my friends, 4-H meetings, time at our adopted grandparents home, spending time with friends laughing and being kids, as we drove down the roads.  I remembered friends and loved ones who lived in homes we drove by that are not with us any longer, and I was thankful for the heart prints they left on my life.  

Our drive home was a whole different story, as it was like driving in a war zone, with trees coming down all around us, barn roofs lifting off the building, flying through the air, and exploding into a million pieces as they hit the ground.  There were trees falling on wires, sparking fires, and chaos everywhere as strong winds ripped through the valley.  When we arrived back at my parents house, there were trees down as well, and their horse/llama shed was smashed in.  Fortunately, the animals are smart and were at the back of the pen, away from the trees.  The storm lasted for what seemed days.  Total, it was about an hour and a half of some of the worst wind I have ever experienced. I was in a tornado as a kid in Iowa, but this storm at least compared to that one.  This sounded and acted like a tornado, but lasted a long time.  

On Sunday morning, we drove through town.  Tears ran down my face as we went through our old neighborhood.  Many homes had trees on them.  Old, giant pine trees uprooted entire lawns and were strewn across lawns like toothpicks.  The park we were at the afternoon before with my nieces had trees broken off and parts of those trees laying everywhere.  Some areas looked like someone threw a bomb in the middle of the trees, causing a mass explosion.  It was a mess.  When you grow up in a small town, and live there for the majority of your life, you know people, and we knew plenty of people who were facing some serious destruction.  I knew that Sandpoint people are resilient and would come through fine, as that is the way Sandpoint people are, but it was tough to see.  We helped do some clean up around the area, with many other people, but the shock continued, as did the memories.

Memories....they continue.  Tomorrow is the Celebrate Life walk/run which benefits the cancer center in Sandpoint.  My dear friend is the reason that walk/run started.  Tonight, I am thinking of her.  I went to her blog and read entries from  parts of late December 2007 and into 2008.  One entry was about how God needed to keep her around for 2008 because she had so many plans.  She made it part way through the year before she went home to be with Jesus.  I miss her.  I miss our emails.  I miss chats.  I miss her quiet strength.  I miss her outlook on life.  I miss her challenging me.  I miss her faith. I miss her smile.  I miss her writing, but I am glad her blog still exists so I can go read her words.   I miss her kind heart.

I am not sure why God is taking me down a road of vivid memories this week.  It almost makes me worry that my life is flashing before my eyes, but maybe I just need to remember.  Remember that life is short, that the people God puts in our lives our precious and we need to love with everything in us, and make a difference.  We need to forgive, laugh, have soft hearts, help others, and be kind. We need to live like today is our last day, because it could be.  What if it is? What difference did you make, did I make and what memories will others have as they think of each one of us?  Were we kind, filled with love, giving, or were we harsh, angry, self-centered?  Think about it and make course adjustments as you need to, TODAY.  

Uncomfortable Grace

Uncomfortable grace.....when God takes you to a place in your faith that isn't what you intended, and not at all where you want to go, but it's a place of learning, healing, growth.  

Uncomfortable grace is a word that came up today around noon when I was talking with someone I consider a mentor in the faith.  We were talking about Beth Moore.  She asked me which study of Beth Moore's was my favorite.  I have done several studies, but told her which one touched me the most.  I told her how I did that study at a time when God took me to a place of rock bottom in my faith, broke me to many pieces, and then put me back together again. When I did the study, I was climbing back up from a dark place.  As I hit rock bottom, I understood grace more than I ever had, but it was not a pleasant time, God broke me, and I needed it.  Uncomfortable grace, for sure. 

Nine years ago today was the last time I saw my beloved, sweet Gram.  She died on the 17th, but slipped in to a state of unconsciousness and I did not want to remember her like that, so did not see her on her last day on this earth.  I sat in the waiting room, crying, overcome with anxiety, and worrying every time my mom would come out of her room that my Gram was gone.  But, my Gram being my Gram, went on her terms.  She left her earthly body right before her two daughters arrived the following morning.  What does this have to do with uncomfortable grace?  One, I dealt with learning how to grieve, work through that, cherish precious memories, and heal through loss.  Today, nine years to the date later, I sat in the same hospital, in the same waiting area, on the same floor, with my friend.  I have been to that hospital numerous times since that date, but today was tough as I walked by the last place I held my Gram's hand, kissed and hugged her, and told her I loved her.  Memories swept over me, and I fought tears, because I was there for my friend.  As the hours passed, my mind would drift to the room across the hall from where I was sitting, the place my Gram moved from this earthly life to life with Jesus.  Uncomfortable grace popped in my head, and I smiled at how God brought this phrase in to my life just hours before.  At that moment, uncomfortable grace was moving through my soul.  I was there to support a friend, but God brought some healing to me while I was there.  

Uncomfortable grace is where God intervenes so we can recognize our weaknesses, and lean into his strength.  Uncomfortable grace is where God reveals Himself to us in the difficulties, so we learn to trust Him.  Uncomfortable grace takes places of brokenness, puts the pieces back together, and though we are cracked, we are stronger because we have allowed God to carefully glue us back together and mold us as He wants us to be.  Uncomfortable grace goes into the places of fear, and covers it with peace.  Uncomfortable grace shakes up our comfort zone and makes us examine what we really believe.  Uncomfortable grace died on a cross for all of our sins, to save us.  

The Dash, Your Legacy

I recently attended a funeral.  I did not know the lady.  I was there to help with some of the tech side. As I said, I did not know the lady.  By the time the funeral was over, however, I felt I did know her.  I was shedding tears with the large crowd that assembled to 'say see you later' to their mom, wife, grandma, sister, daughter, friend.

I learned that this gal first and foremost loved Jesus and lived life for Him.  I learned she loved her family, deeply.  I learned she was a quiet woman, but her relationships ran deep and true.  She was intentional about making those in her life feel loved, valued, and important.  She lived out each moment with joy.  She laughed.  She took time to make precious memories with everyone who was important to her.  She lived life with purpose and passion and enjoyed the gift of life.  She didn't waste time, she lived life.  She took great enjoyment in experiencing God's creation. She lived out her dash well.  She touched a lot of people, and showed them the love of Christ through the way she lived.  

Ever since I walked out of our church, I have been thinking about my dash, how I am living out my time from birth, to death.  What will I be remembered for, what do I need to change, and how can I live more purposely and passionately?

What about you?  What will people remember about your 'dash.'  Will they say you were loving, caring, kind, or will they remember you for being argumentative, angry, harsh, for what you were against, not for how you loved?  How do people describe you now?  Those words give you a clue as to the legacy you are leaving here on earth.  What needs to change?  Are your words kind or condemning?  Do you speak words that lift up or tear down?  Are you task oriented, or do people come first?  Do you laugh, and enjoy life, or are you too busy or too uptight?  Do you spend more time on social networks/online than you do having real, face to face relationships?  Does a perfect house matter more than time with your kids, your spouse?  Do you spew ugly words at anything that is against you, or do you try to let it go and and not get consumed with being right?  Does your family know you love them, deeply?  What about your faith?  If you aren't a follower of Christ, living a life like He lived, have you taken time to really consider and examine the life of Christ, NOT a life of religion, but a life of love and giving, centered on Christ's teaching?  It is the most important decision you will ever make.  

Is the life you are living, the life you want to be remembered for?  What are your values?  What's important to you?  How do you live?  What will be said about you at the end of your life?  If you are reading this, you are still breathing, so start making the changes you want to make TODAY.   Make wise use of the dash in your life.  

Live.  Love.  Laugh.  Hope.  Faith.  

What is your legacy?