Defending MY Marriage

My husband has returned home after being away for sixteen days.  To say I missed him is an understatement.  I felt like a child waiting for Christmas morning the night before he came home.  I could not sleep because I was filled with anxious anticipation for his arrival.  When I got up in the morning, I spent more time in front of the mirror getting ready than I have in a long time.  I arrived at the airport, pretty much giddy that I would be reunited with my man.  I waited, and waited some more because his plane was a few minutes late.  Finally, my phone buzzes with a text, 'we just landed, see you in a few minutes....'  I waited and watched and finally caught a glimpse of my hubby.  Within a second, he found me as well, and our eyes locked and smiles crossed both of our faces.  Now, his smile looked much brighter than mine because while he was back working disaster relief, he got quite a tan, while I was stuck here where it keeps raining.

I can function without my husband.  I got things done, dug up and planted the garden, kept the things in check, helped his mom several times, paid the bills, kept things around our home running, and kept myself very busy.  However, I don't like to do all that without my husband, to do life without my husband.  On Sunday, we will celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary.   This is the longest we have been apart in those 24 years.  Neither of us liked it, but the reality is, he could be called away again within a couple weeks.  We pray he isn't.  If he is, I will do the same as I did before, and keep things in check, keep myself busy and life will keep going, it just feels strange to do life without my husband.  When we got married, we became one.  

Genesis 2:24 says:

 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Ecclesiastes says:

 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

A cord of three strands in our home is my husband, myself, and Jesus Christ. 

I have had a 'friend?' tell me I was weak because I was sad when my husband went away for over two weeks and that evidently I relied on him way too much and that maybe I would figure out who I was once he was away for this time.  This 'friend' has known me for about three years.  This person does not know me at a deep level, and has met my husband a handful of times, but this person definitely does not know my husband, at all.  This person is not a fan of marriage and thinks that people who get married lose themselves, and has told those preparing for marriage to not get married because you lose who you are and you grow apart because you change, and marriage is so much work, it's not worth it.  I will agree that marriage is a lot of work.  So is any relationship that has any depth to it at all.  Yes, I have changed a lot in 24 years of marriage, so has my husband, and I am very happy about that because I would hate for either of us to be stuck at the place we were when we got married, the place we were was 10 years ago, or the place we were 5 years ago.  Life is about change, growth.  Fortunately, my husband and I have grown through changes together, which doesn't mean we are clones of one another but that we love each other, accept each other, support each other, cherish each other, and have Christ at the center of our lives.  We are mature enough to understand that it's healthy to change, especially when we mature as both individuals, and a couple, and we mature in our walk with Christ.  Sometimes the changes have been painful, like when my father in law passed away, we moved from our home of 17 years, my husband lost his job, I lost my job, and we have both faced some health challenges throughout our married life.  We have had times of growth and change that have been good and filled with joy as well.  They may not have seemed like it when going through it, but we can see where we have come from and how we have changed and matured, for the better.  

This 'friend' asked me in a very snide way if my husband was home, and when I replied yes, this 'friend' was very rude and snide when saying that's good, and oh, gee you survived!  Well, I never doubted I would survive, because first, I trust God.  Second, I am not a weak person.  I grew up in North Idaho, with parents who didn't pamper us, but made us work.  I raised farm animals, worked with my parents in their custodial/landscape business, and kept up with the boys in my neighborhood.  My sister and I weren't raised to be pampered, prissy girls.  I can take care of myself.  

I wasn't missing my husband because I need someone to take care of me.  I missed my husband because I made vows to him 24 years ago that meant something to me when I said them.  Those words we said to one another as we exchanged rings were not just words, but the way we try to live our married life.  Yes, we fail.  We are humans.  Yes, there have even been moments we haven't liked each other a whole lot, but we always, always have loved each other.  My husband and I actually are opposites in many ways, but I like to think of it as we compliment each other because where I am weak, he's strong, and where he may have a weaker area, I am strong.  Funny how God works those things out, don't you think?  I missed my husband because when we exchanged those vows, we became one.  When you are one as a couple should be, and half of you is missing, you are not complete.  You don't stop being who you are, but you are missing a vital part, your spouse, hopefully your close friend.  

I guess that three weeks of snide comments from this 'friend' has rubbed me very much the wrong way because I feel my marriage is being attacked, my relationship is being attacked, and how God brought, and has kept, our relationship together is being attacked.  I love my husband and I am proud of that.  I easily choose my husband, my friend over this so called 'friend.'  I am blessed by God to have a man who loves me and works hard to support us.  I am blessed to have found someone who hasn't given up during the tough stuff, and knows that great relationships only grow when we work at it.  I am thankful that I have a marriage that has endured, and I am proud of our marriage, our commitment to one another and to God.  

A good marriage is not a coincidence or about being lucky; it’s about learning the skills & principles that make it work.

Build a strong, protective wall around your marriage and nurture your spouse with commitment, understanding & devotion.