Laughing at Myself

Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can. ~Elsa Maxwell


Yesterday morning, I got up, watered the garden and flowers, and then I went to work for a little while. After I sent out the mass mailer from work, I decided to run to Coeur d'Alene to get a few things at Michael's and Pilgrim's. My nice carpi's all need washed so I threw on a pair from last year. I thought they looked really faded, but oh well, they were okay, I just need to replace them soon because they are pretty worn out. When I arrived at Pilgrim's, they had big, beautiful beefsteak tomatoes that are grown in Sandpoint. They were very ripe and looked delicious! I was picking out tomatoes and chatting with a gal, and I bumped an onion off the counter with my arm, so stooped down to pick it up and I heard a rip sound, but it wasn't a big rip sound, so I thought it was just a seam kind of pulling. I figured my pants could not have ripped much, because they are pretty baggy. I hurried along and got an onion or two, then headed down an aisle, trying to be inconspicuous but kind of trying to check my carpi's. I didn't feel a rip, so kept shopping. The store is packed with people. I shop at Pilgrim's a lot and this is the most I've ever seen in the store! I thought, wow, they are really getting popular. I went up another aisle, and down another, packing things into my cart, and then stopped in a corner to see if things were okay with my carpi's because things just felt weird back there. I felt a small hole, so went to the bathroom. OH MY GOSH! It ripped from where the all the inseams come together, all the way up to my waist. I had on blue carpi's and red underwear!! I had a shirt on that came just below the waist. I was mortified, to say the least. What was I going to do??? Stay in the bathroom, call Thane and have him bring me something else to wear, and refuse to allow anyone else in the bathroom for the next hour until he could get there? What if I just stayed in there until they closed?? Yes, that could work, but they probably had a key and would open the door and make me come out. What should I do? I have a basket full of groceries, the store is overflowing with people, and I have a serious problem!! I just wanted to crawl in a hole, or run out the door with my tail between my legs. Gee, if I would have had a tail, it would have covered part of the rip anyway! I decide to just make quick strides to the check out and leave. I became creative at walking sideways, walking against my cart, and trying to walk backwards without anyone really noticing that I was acting strange. The check stands never seemed so far away! ....SO MANY PEOPLE!! Of course, the only check stand open is the front one!! I kept trying to pull my shirt down as much as I could, wishing the gal checking out my groceries would really, really hurry! Then came the challenge of getting out the door and walking WAY across the parking lot to my car. Of course, I had parked out by the street, so when I had to climb in my Suburban, I was facing the giant plate glass windows! Lovely. I was so glad, yet so utterly embarrassed, to get in my car and drive home! When I got home I discovered the rip was even worse than I thought. The material was so thin, I think just moving in them made them rip! My family all found incredible humor in my pain. I find that I have to find a new place to shop now, because unless I dye my hair black and give myself a new hair do, I know I can't go back there for awhile!

You grow up on the day you have your first real laugh, at yourself. Ethel Barrymore