Not What I Thought

I thought I would be sharing happy memories about having my nieces, mom, and sister here for two days. I thought I would be talking about how my 4 year old niece spent the night here for the first time by herself and the great time we had. I thought I would be talking about how she slept through one of the worst storms we've had in a long time, that lasted from 11 pm to 4 am, with wicked lightening, winds, thunder, hail, and torential rains. Yes, she slept through it, but I didn't, and neither did our dog. My hubby slept through parts of it, but he's also battling kidney stones, again, so he was up and down throughout the night, plus he's on his pain pills so he was kind of not completely here to begin with. I thought those would be the subjects on my mind today, and they were until part way through the day when I was sitting at my parents home and the phone rang. Mom answered the phone and a very strange look came over her face, as she was looking right at me. I knew someone had died by the expression. After nearly forty years, I know my mom's face well. She kept talking, listening, and looking at me, and then told the person at the other end that I was actually up for the day and sitting there, because I had brought my niece home, and she would pass the news along to me. I had names flashing through my head as to who it might be. I never thought it would be the name of our friend who was in his mid-20's. First shock, then extreme sadness and unstoppable tears hit me. What? Why? How? Wait...I'm asleep and I will wake up soon, right??? .............. right????...........I'm still waiting to wake up.

Last night when we got home from playing at the park, I was going to check our home phone voice mail, but kept getting sidetracked by a sweet, energetic 4 year old, which was much more important to me anyway. I thought that no one ever calls our home number but sales people anyway, and if someone needed something they would call our cell numbers. I found out today that there were two messages on there about the death of our dear friend. He died at KMC, and his family wanted us to know. We could have gone and sat with them at least, but evidently God wanted us to have a good evening with our niece, because I know that there were three times I actually had my hand on the phone to check the messages and every time, a distraction of some kind kept popping up. I even thought of it during the night as I couldn't sleep but couldn't reach the phone without waking up Lizzie. I am glad that our evening with her was not spoiled. I do feel a bit guilty for not being there, though. I am still sitting here in disbelief, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.

Andy was one of those people who left footprints on your heart. He was kind, caring, helpful, honest, a hard worker, respectful, a person of his word, someone who made a difference in his corner of the world, who stood up against the odds and kept trying instead of giving up through the challenges that were put before him. We were just talking about him a week ago, and saying we needed to get in touch with him because we hadn't seen him much since we moved, and we needed to catch up. Tonight, we wish we would have made the call. Once again, when God puts someone on your mind, don't ignore it, call them, go see them, contact them someway because now our chance to do that is gone. Life is very unpredictable, and very short.

God knows why he took Andy so early on in his life. The rest of us are left to process it and continue to wonder why. Someday it will be revealed, but in the meantime, we grieve and miss a dear friend.

On my hour ride home today, I did a lot of remembering and crying. This song came on when I was close to home:

When I Get Where I'm Going by Geoff Moore

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly
I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah, when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my granddaddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I've missed him
Every minute since he left

So much pain and so much darkness
This world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of His amazing grace