Getting A Point Across

After writing about walls, and the stuff I am dealing with right now, I was trying to work through it that afternoon and the steps I need to take to start bringing my heart back to a spot where it can trust again, where I can find peace, and where I can get back in align with where I need to be with God.  I was in my car coming home from town, and praying, asking God for help, asking Him to show me what I needed to do, where I needed to start.  As always, I had my radio on.  I wasn't paying attention to the song playing because I was talking to God about how I really needed some guidance and help with my life.  I asked what do I need to do to take the first step to start this process, and it was like the radio volume went up four notches as I heard the words from this song, about half way through.....SLOW DOWN.  SLOW DOWN. 





Oh, guess you got your point across on that one, God.  Funny how I hadn't heard any of the song before, and just as I ask, the words SLOW DOWN come blaring across my radio.  No, He wasn't referring to my driving either, because I was sitting at stop light!  It was a definite, immediate answer to my question.  As I said in that post, slowing down is something that is difficult for me.  If I keep busy, keep going, I don't have to deal with the hurt, the pain.  I know that's wrong and I know to heal, I have to work through the pain and get on with life.  I started some of the process the past couple days.  It hasn't been easy.  Painful, as a matter of fact.  But it's a process, and I have God beside all the way. 


It seemed for the next ten miles home, God gave me one song after another that all addressed my prayers.  I have always loved music, although not musical myself.  I always pay close attention to the words, as well, even on songs I have never heard before.  When we did youth ministry, we used a lot of music to bring across a point to the kids.  I guess since God knows that music is one venue I do pay a lot of attention to, He would get His point across to me that way.  This song played just as I entered our town. 

Happy Birthday

Today my sis hits a new decade...40.  Happy Birthday, Jolene!!!  It was strange enough when I turned forty, but it's very strange to have my little sister hit that number!


We spent  the entire day Friday together, getting her hair cut, shopping, having fun, eating too much food, and laughing.  We found a new craft store in Spokane, and after being in there for over an hour, we only covered half the store!  We will definitely have to go back. 


Saturday, we tried to throw her a surprise party but it ended up not being much of a surprise for her.  It is very difficult to surprise her, as she usually figures things out.   It was still a nice party, with lots of laughs, with family and friends. 


Happy birthday, sis.  I love you! 

Walls

Walls.  I am surrounded by four of them in this room.  They hold up the roof, and keep it from crashing in on top of me.  They provide support for this house.  They also provide shelter and safety from storms.

Walls.  Walls can also be put in other areas.  The problem comes when walls are put up around the heart for the same reasons, shelter and safety, to protect a heart from more hurt, more pain.  I know.  I have a lot of walls up around my heart right now.  God  revealed that to me while I was praying during communion service last night.  Believe me, I know the walls are there to try to prevent more hurt right now.  There have been some things happen that caused a lot of hurt, a lot.  I was stabbed in the back by some people I trusted, those I thought were my friends.  I  let them in to the deep parts of my life, which I do not do very easily.  I found out  I was only in their lives to help them fulfill something and then I was gone.  I was left standing there, wondering what I did wrong to have them reject me, and I play that over and over in my head.  I am not trying to have a pity party for myself, please hear that.  Things like this happen.  Unfortunately.  But, I have put a lot of walls up to block the hurt.  I am extremely cautious with letting anyone in, even a tiny bit, to any part of my life. 

I had these walls up before, around eleven years ago, but through some healing in a church group we were in, I let them down.  I trusted again.  I didn't want to hide when I met new people for fear of letting them in my life, just to get stomped on.  I did a lot of healing, and it felt good, refreshing, liberating.  God brought people into my life for that season to help me.  God brought me to new levels in my relationship with Him.  I guess I am at the point I need to start over, again.  I am so glad I serve a God who allows do-overs.  The walls might take awhile to come down this time.  I think my heart trusted more this time, I loved more, and I was hurt deeper.  The walls might be thicker, but I need to go in and start hammering away, bit by bit, to bring them down. 

  The first wall I need to start with, is with God.  See, God revealed in my prayer time during communion, that I have put up so many walls, I have shut Him out.  I sat back in shock for a moment, and started to disagree, but then tearfully realized it was true.  I keep myself busy all the time so the hurt can't show up.  So busy that my time in God's word has suffered.  I pray, but not at a level I know I should be praying.  I think the past month, the walls have become more thick because it's hard to even enjoy worship music.  I love worship music!  So, today, it's time to start deconstruction.  It's time to start chipping away at those walls.  I am starting with the God walls, as that is the most important relationship I can have and if it's not right, no other relationships can be right in my life.  It's going to be a process, and more than likely some of those walls are going to fall on top of me and cause some pain, while others are going to be stubborn and want to stay there, but it's time to start.  I don't expect big, fast results because it's a slow process that will require time, energy, and probably a lot of emotions.  There will be days where I am sure I will want to stay in the safety of those walls, and find protection, but with God's help, I will bring them down.  With God's help I will find my protection in Him alone, in the blood of my Savior.  It's time to put on my hard hat, and start breaking down those walls, and move on with my life. 

Afternoon at the Track

A few months ago, I won a 10 lap drive around the track at Competitive Edge Racing School.  I really thought  of taking the drive as I do like to drive fast, but I could see my hubby really wanted the opportunity as well, so I told him to go for it.  Sunday, he got to drive, and loved every moment of it. 

He's not one bit excited, can you tell? 

The family was there to cheer him on. We even got his mom out there.  The two nieces were so excited when he got to drive the red race car, as they were sure it was Lightning McQueen from the movie CARS. 

Ready to go!

And he's off!

He had a great time!  Thanks to Competitive Edge Racing School for the great prize.  I have a feeling, he will be back! 

45 Years Together

Today is my parents 45th wedding anniversary.  45 years, what an accomplishment.  Mom and dad have walked  through the great times, times of celebration, times of joy, and through the difficult times, times of loss, and times of hardship, but they have stayed next to each other, side by side, supporting each other, loving each other.  Thanks for your example, mom and dad.  You have shown us many years of love, both to each other and to us.  Happy Anniversary!!  We love you!

Catch Up or Start Over?

Finally..............home!  Twelve days are a long time to be gone, especially this time of year, with the garden and all.  Suddenly, summer is nearly gone, and that is hard to grasp.  Last night as we were unloading the last things out of the car, it was about 8 p.m. and darkness was quickly covering the landscape.  I looked at my husband, and asked how it could be dark already.  This morning, I thought...okay, time to play catch up, but half way through the day, I realized that playing catch up was out of the question.  I could not capture one bit of those twelve days back in my yard, garden, or home.  I had to just start over.  I had to start over weeding, cleaning, and harvesting.  I had to start over from where I left off on August 5th. 


God gives us a 'start over' opportunity every day.  He makes things new, fresh for us, so we don't have to try to play catch up when we mess up in our relationship with Him.  He gives us do-overs, because of the blood of Christ!  Jesus died so we can have a fresh start each day, if we have a relationship with Him.  So, if you have fallen behind and need a restart in your faith, just go to Him and ask.  He will be happy to give you a fresh start.




The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.   Lamentations 3:22-23(New Living Translation)

Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (Contemporary English Version)

I Will Go Before You

I Will Go Before You by John Eldredge



I will go before you
and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze
and cut through bars of iron.
I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. (Isa. 45:2-3)


God's imagery of going before us lets us know that he desires us to go on a journey. This is not so frightening. Most of us are aware that the Christian life requires a pilgrimage of some sort. We know we are sojourners. What we have sometimes not given much thought to is what kind of a journey we are to be taking.


Not realizing it is a journey of the heart that is called for, we make a crucial mistake. We come to a place in our spiritual life where we hear God calling us. We know he is calling us to give up the less-wild lovers that have become so much a part of our identity, embrace our nakedness, and trust in his goodness.


As we stand at this intersection of God's calling, we look down two highways that appear to travel in very different directions. The first highway quickly takes a turn and disappears from our view. We cannot see clearly where it leads, but there are ominous clouds in the near distance.

Standing still long enough to look down this road makes us aware of an anxiety inside, an anxiety that threatens to crystallize into unhealed pain and forgotten disappointment. We check our valise and find no up-to-date road map but only the torn and smudged parchment containing the scribbled anecdotes and travelers' warnings by a few who have traveled the way of the heart before us. They encourage us to follow them, but their rambling journals give no real answers to our queries on how to navigate the highway.
(The Sacred Romance , 127-28)

Lost in the Corn

Last Friday my mom, hubby, and I packed up and headed East.  We have been in lightning storms every day/night, extreme rain, had a tornado a few miles behind us and saw the funnel clouds, hot, hot, hot weather, 100% humidity, and heat indexes of 109 one day, 105 most days.  Wow.  It's a bit of a change from what we are used to in the great Northwest.  Lightning storms in the Midwest aren't anything like out West, either.  My hubby had never seen a storm like that being a Pacific NW native.  The first night, we had some nasty lightning as we went across eastern Montana.  Lightning came down with several fingers scorching the earth, that same lightning went across to another bolt with several jagged fingers, and then with six more fingers, went back up to the clouds.  Lightning struck and instantly a wheat field went up in flames, and smoke and fire covered the sky as the strong winds swept across the prairie.  It has been a wild trip.  We have driven about 1700 miles, seeing friends and relatives on this whirlwind trip.  Wifi is a rarity in most places, so if you don't hear from me this week, it's because I am in the cornfields of Iowa, trying not to drown in the 2-4 inches of rain they get in a couple hours of time, sweating away in the humidity!!  While it's great to see relatives I have not seen in 19 years, I will be happy to be back home to the Northwest!! 

90 Seconds

This pretty much sums things up in about 90 seconds.

Happy Birthday, Dad!!

Today I want to wish my dad a very happy birthday.  We love you and will miss spending the day with you, but you are close in our hearts and thoughts. 

Today, my dad turns 65.  He may not appreciate me sharing that with everyone, but I am, and I'm on my way out of town, so there's not much he can do about it!  Take some time to pop over to his website, INTO THE WILD MINISTRIES and wish him a happy birthday!!!  

Dad, thank you for being a living example on how to live this life, by putting God first.  Thank you for your love that you have given to your family and for all you have done for us.  We love you and are proud to have you for our dad.  God has given us tremendous blessings by giving us a dad like you.  Thanks for your unconditional love and support.  Happy birthday!

Smokey August Night on the Prairie

Last night, the skies were filled with smoke from fires in Washington and Canada.  Although it makes for terrible air quality, smoke makes for great sunsets.  I grabbed my camera, my husband, and my dog and we went out for a ride on the prairie. 

This was the actual color of the sun.  The sky was lighter, but this is how my camera captured the scene. 

Action Over Words

We saw this video yesterday in church.  The pastor was talking about how words don't mean anything if they aren't followed by actions.  He also talked to us about being willing to go into the battle, into the crossfire, and fight to bring those who are enemies of the cross to a life with Christ.  We can't do that by merely talking, we have to show them love, an authentic life, and kindness.  This video hit me probably a little harder than some, as our nephew is a medic in the Army.  It made it very real as to what he does, even though I know what he does, and it made our pastors point about going into the battle to fight to save our enemies so they can have eternal life with Christ more real as well.  We weren't called to be comfortable in our faith.  We are called to go into the world, and to go to those who we may not be comfortable around, who stand for things we are against, and to love them like Christ would, to show them why we believe as we do.  Words only go so far, but our actions really show what is important to us, what we value the most in life, and what we truly believe.